Dealing with Insecurities

Walking into the room, my heart pounds. Averting all eye contact, I make my way to the back row, certain no one will desire to talk with me. I will remain alone and unnoticed, as if I am the only one in the room. The meeting over, I leave quietly having accomplished nothing other than the monumental task of showing up. I leave empty with a sense of having missed out once again.
Does this experience sound familiar? I've let this scenario play out in my life too many times. I say allowed because that is exactly what I did. I chose to allow the experience to be negative instead of positive. I now feel free from acting isolated and alone. Knowing that I can choose a more powerful strategy for interacting, I no longer feel weak and empty in these public interchanges.

Many friends tell me I always appear so confident when I walk into a room and that I seem to know everyone. Here is the truth about that: I'm not and I don't! I experience the same fears and insecurities as everyone else. The difference is (most of the time) I choose not to let these fears and insecurities prevent me from experiencing the joys of life. I would much rather leave a room knowing I made others feel connected and noticed and in the process, receive much joy.

Recently, I attended a conference where I knew no one. I had exchanged emails with many other attendees, but had never met any of them face to face. At dinner one evening I found myself looking into the faces of people I knew very little or nothing about. I had a choice to make. I could choose to keep my eyes on my food, speak only when spoken to and just endure the hour or two I was going to be with them. Or, I could take a deep breath, look them in the eyes, and ask personal questions with the goal of making them feel noticed and valued. It didn't matter if they asked me any questions. What was going to matter to me was that my dinner companions walk away feeling like they had a new friend and that someone cared.
What did this cost me? NOTHING. What did I gain? A deep sense of confidence and joy in the knowledge that my interactions had built others up and made their own experience more enjoyable.

Confidence comes from within. Confidence does not distinguish between plain or beautiful people. The plainest person can have all the confidence in the world: a person of outward beauty can be riddled with insecurities. The mind is a funny thing. It can play games with us. Our minds can be filled with lies about who we are or are not and what kind of value we are to this world.
Let me tell you a little secret. You were fearfully and wonderfully made, God did not make any mistakes. You were created to be of value to this world, just as you are. Each one of us brings value through our uniqueness. No one can fill YOUR place in the world like you can.

Today or tomorrow, or very soon, you'll enter a situation where fear and anxiety may begin to plague you. Here's what I want you to do:

1. Take a deep breath
2. Pull your shoulders back and keep your head up
3. Walk confidently to your destination
4. Look people in the eye
5. Greet others with a confident handshake (I prefer hugs)
6. Ask questions of others
7. Walk away knowing you made some feel valued and noticed

I take a deep breath, pull my shoulders back, keep my head up and walk with confident expectation into the room. I glance around to see who's there, making eye contact and giving people a smile. I notice a woman sitting all alone and walk over to her. I ask if the chair next to her is taken. She looks at me with a startled gaze, tells me it's not, and I sit down. I introduce myself and only a few quick questions begin to reveal all we have in common.

Throughout the meeting we banter back and forth, enjoying ourselves and the ease our new relationship has added to our experience. As the evening closes, we can't believe how quickly time has past. Each of us has had a more pleasurable evening, made a new friend and have someone new to wave to across a conference room tomorrow. We each leave with confidence boosted, with friendship affirmed, and with a sense of joyful belonging.